10 Ways To Annoy Drakengard 1 and 2 Characters!
by Ropihl
Summary: Here's a few easy ways to get yourself killed!
1. Caim

**Caim:**

**1. Sign him up for anger/violence management classes**

**2. Tell him that Verdelet could beat him**

**3. Replace his real sword with a rubber one and send him into battle**

**4. Decorate his armor with flowers and pictures of bunnies or other fluffy stuff**

**5. Tell him that Legna is the dragon that ruined his life and watch as he runs off to slay him**

**6. Follow him around at all times and sigh dreamily, saying out loud how adorable he is so he can hear**

**7. Ask him why people call him the "one-eyed man"**

**8. Repeatedly recite the "Watchers" chant (see not the Watchers, that stuff) and begin preaching how great they and the Empire are, telling him he should join**

**9. Get everyone in the group to join an "Inuart Is Awesome" club and ask him if he wants to be the President**

**10. Simply exist**


	2. Inuart

**Inuart:**

**1. Ask him why he sucks so much**

**2. Ask what kind of pact price is songs**

**3. Tell him that Caim could still kick his ass**

**4. Ignore him whenever he speaks**

**5. After Furiae dies, find him and repeatedly ask him where she is**

**6. Ask him where he got the tattoo on his neck**

**7. Ask him if he knows the Muffin Man Song**

**8. Pronounce the "R" in his name by calling him "In-You-Art" while ignoring it when he corrects you**

**9. Ask him if he understands the phrase "fire crotch"**

**10. Tell him that there are plenty of fish in the sea and Furiae wasn't even worth it**


	3. Furiae

**Furiae:**

**1. Tell her that when she committed suicide, it was her best, and only important, moment**

**2. Tell her that no one loves her**

**3. Address her politely as Goddess and every time she turns around, snicker behind her back**

**3. Imply that white makes her look fat**

**4. Tell her that Caim actually hates her**

**5. Secretly talk bad about her behind her back**

**6. Compare her to a cow**

**7. Explain to her that incest is BAD**

**8. Constantly ask her "what makes YOU so special?"**

**9. Call her various names like "Furry Ape"**


	4. Leonard

**Leonard:**

**1. Ask him why he lived in the woods with his three brothers. All. Alone.**

**2. Tell him he should get Lasik eye surgery and recommend him to a good surgeon**

**3. Replace his clothes with a pink outfit and insist that they are his real clothing**

**4. Insist that you saw one of his brother the other day**

**5. Buy him a pair of glasses**

**6. Join in with the Fairy whenever she starts yelling at Seere**

**7. Pick on Seere**

**8. Ask him if he is a pedophile and don't believe him when he says no**

**9. Play Hide and Seek with him always It**

**10. Tell him you think you saw Arioch stalking Seere a few days ago and insist you cant find either of them**


	5. Seere

**Seere:**

**1. Constantly confuse the twins by calling Seere Manah and Manah Seere**

**2. Tell him "you've got to drink your milk Seere if you want to grow up to be big and strong like the others!"**

**3. Accidentally forget him behind with Arioch**

**4. Insist that he needs a hair cut because he looks too much like a girl**

**5. Have him ask Caim where babies come from**

**6. Have him ask Arioch where babies come from**

**7. Take away his dagger and insist that children his age shouldn't carry such dangerous weapons**

**8. In Drakengard 2, tell him he should start acting his age**

**9. In Drakengard 2, ask him why he is wearing a dress**

**10. In Drakengard 2, constantly pinch his cheeks and tell him how cute he is**


	6. Arioch

**Arioch:**

**1. Ask her why a beautiful woman such as herself is still single**

**2. Ask her how her family is**

**3. Take out your wallet and show her pictures of your kids, naming and describing each one with lots of detail**

**4. Tell her that she has won the "Mother of the Year" award**

**5. Tell her that her children and husband "never really died"**

**6. Give her papers that say she can legally adopt Seere**

**7. Change all her meals so she is a vegetarian**

**8. Give her directions to imaginary orphanages in the middle of the ocean or desert**

**9. Every time you go into battle, cry "Save the Children!"**

**10. Walk by a school on the first day at recess time, pointing and saying "Look at that chubby one!"**


	7. Manah

**Manah:**

**1. Constantly confuse the twins by calling Seere Manah and Manah Seere**

**2. Tell her that her mother is outside waiting for her, only to see her sprint down the halls to come face-to-face with Caim and the group**

**3. Punish her for drawing on the walls pictures of headless teddy bears and knifes**

**4. Call her various names like Manah-Banana**

**5. Repeatedly tell her that no one loves her**

**6. Tell her that red eyes are the sign of the Devil**

**7. Spank her for being a bad girl**

**8. Tell her that the "gods" aren't real and crush her dreams**

**9. Sign her up for the T.V. show "Intervention" and say its for her own good**

**10. In Drakengard 2, tell her that her outfit is a bit too "revealing"**


	8. Verdelet

**Verdelet:**

**1. Ask him why he is so useless**

**2. Ask if ALL his hair is gone**

**3. Ask if he became the Hierarch because he couldn't get none (if you know what I mean)**

**4. Tell him that you don't believe in "gods"**

**5. Call him a cube-ball**

**6. Ask him if he is naturally bald**

**7. Scribble and graffiti his petrified dragon**

**8. Tell him he is so selfish about his own survival he forced a helpless, poor little dragon to make a pact with him**

**9. Ask him if he can baptize people**

**10. Ask him what religion he considers himself**


	9. Nowe

**Nowe:**

**1. Ask him why he such a wimp compared to Caim**

**2. Tell him he's a Caim-wannabe**

**3. Tell him he couldn't save a kitten stuck in a tree, let alone anyone else**

**4. Smack him every time he doesn't pronounce his R's (seeing how he says "gismo" and not "gismoR")**

**5. Give him speech lessons until he does**

**6. Tell him he was abandoned by his real parents because no one loved him**

**7. Repeatedly tell him that Oror was a wuss and he deserved to die**

**8. Every time you see him, salute him and end every sentence with "Yes Savior!"**

**9. Tell him he is nothing more than a freak, not a human**

**10. Pretend to be in trouble multiple times, forcing him to come and save you**


	10. Urick

**Urick:**

**1. Ask him if he is emo and if he cuts himself at night**

**2. Repeatedly kill him, seeing how he cant die**

**3. Tell him that he could always keep his helmet on to hide his natural ugliness**

**4. Ask him if he has something against monster/Knight relationships**

**5. Fill his helmet full of glue on the inside before he puts it on**

**6. Hide his helmet, forcing everyone to see his true ugliness and cringe every time you look at him**

**7. Tell him his weapons only prove that he's a panzy**

**8. Repeatedly call him a coward**

**9. Call him a monster whenever the opportunity arises**

**10. Ask him if he has any friends**


	11. Angelus

**Angelus:**

**1. Tell her she has HUGE thighs**

**2. Attempt to strike up a conversation involving her family**

**3. Ask her if you can keep a pet, preferably a bunny or something cuddly and sweet**

**3. Call her mean if (more like when) she says no**

**4. Put her on a anti-meat diet**

**5. Ask her if she considers Caim more than just "a friend"**

**6. Ask her why she hasn't eaten Verdelet yet**

**7. Cover her mouth with flame retardant foam**

**8. Attempt to rub her tummy to comfort her when she's agitated**

**9. Steal Caim's Angelus plushy (cuz you know he has one :P)**

**10. Refuse to call her by her name, repeatedly saying "Dragon" or "Giant Lizard"**


	12. Eris

**Eris:**

**1. Attempt to help her carry her spear out of generosity, inconspicuously assuming she's weak**

**2. Ask her why she doesn't dodge or roll like all the other characters and wearing a dress is no excuse**

**3. Accidentally spill grape juice on her all white clothes**

**4. Cough whenever she starts talking**

**5. Refuse to follow her orders**

**6. Attempt to give HER orders**

**7. Attempt to give her glasses (seeing how in that one cut scene she says Manah stole Nowe, and apparently she cant see that they're riding away on Legna .)**

**8. Ask her if everyone in the Knights are pathetic if they can ALL be beaten by 3 people**

**9. Ask her if she enjoys burning people at the stake (in accordance to her evil smile in that one cut scene)**

**10. Impersonate a higher up, forcing her to do increasingly embarrassing assignments (I don't know, you think up something :))**


	13. Zhangpo

I've been putting this off, but here ya go. The lieutenants, one by one starting with Zhangpo. He's not very pretty.

Zhangpo:

1. Invite him over for a friendly barbeque

2. Higher him at a butchery

3. State the red color of his armor reminds you of lamb chops. Raw and juicy lamb chops.

4. Continually chastise him and explain to him there is no reason to be a vegetarian

5. Volunteer him to be a judge at an all meat cook off

6. Wonder aloud and argue with yourself who is more attractive, Zhangpo or Hanch

7. Pity Ifrit, his pact beast, for having such a horrible partner, seeing how he died before you even knew how to maneuver Legna properly…That and having no screen time. Or even knowing what he was.

8. Giggle at the fact that Manah beat him single handedly. At least all the other lieutenants were defeated by Nowe. Or someone cooler.

9. Take him out to McDonalds and hold the bag in front of him in disgust, saying, "This isn't even real beef! Who do they think they're kidding?"

10. "Hey, Zhangpo! Do you like see-food?"

I ran out of ideas…Lol.


End file.
